Jupiter Ascending: The Best Worst Movie You Need To See

For this week’s newish movie show, we have the Australian space opera Jupiter Ascending.



DIRECTED: The Wachowskis

STARRING: Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth

GENRE: Space Opera

YEAR: 2015

COUNTRY: United States, Australia

maxresdefault (6)Jupiter Jones was born under a night sky, with signs predicting that she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people’s houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine Wise, a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along – her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.

For once, the positives section is going to be incredibly short. It is not often that I review a film I completely hated, but there is a first for everything right? While I won’t even delve into the story right now, it had me intrigued when I first started watching it. The special effects are amazing as well, as the Wachowskis tried to form a beautiful yet confusing world. Then it all went to complete horseshit.

jupiter-ascending-06938What exactly is Jupiter Ascending? That may be the biggest challenge of the year so far. The story is a total clusterfuck, barely telling the story of an alien princess falls in love with a hybrid bear/wolf man, portrayed by Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum respectively. I can’t even really acknowledge their performances, as I was so confused tried to figure out what the hell was going on! This was obviously just a chance for The Wachowskis to cash a check and make whatever they wanted. Just happened to go over my head this time.  So…yeah, Jupiter Ascending. If you have no idea what this film is, please don’t fret. You really don’t need to know.


  • Interesting story hook.
  • Beautiful special effects.


  • Clusterfluck of a story.
  • Overall storytelling.
  • Main cast performances.
  • Confusing and not worth my time.

SCORE: 3.5 / 10

If you have any suggestions for films/TV/Games/Music/Anime for me to review, drop me a comment!

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All check out my lengthier video game reviews over at Nerd Bacon Games.

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